Sometimes I feel like I stress and worry about EVERYTHING and I mean everything. Some of the things that are worrying/stressing me out right now are....
- that I will NEVER find a full time job
- that I will be stuck selling greeting cards forever
- that I am an awful advocate and that is part of the reason no one wants to hire me
- MONEY
- that I have disappointed and continue to disappoint people
- my body
- my car and the problems it loves to have
- that I am not doing enough of the housework in my relationship
- that my partner is not happy
- did I mention money and never find a job I somewhat like?
- that I am 23 and will never finish school
- that I cant find time to finish my book or to read in general
- my e-mail
- that I cant find the time to write in this blog
Overall I have not been feeling particularly competent lately. I know I am just in a funk and that everything will work out, at least I hope it will...
Its hard to feel like you are good at things when you do not get any positive feedback. I know you should not need others to validate that you but dam its depressing when you don't. When I worked on campus I always felt like I was valued and that I was a important part of the team. Now I work at a greeting card company where my boss makes sure to point out everything you do wrong. If he gives you a complement he makes sure to point out the 5 things you did wrong as well. I feel replaceable at the shelter and sometimes worry that I will be fired at any moment. At least there I feel like I use my brain and that I am doing something worth while. I realize that what you do for a living should not define your self worth or you but I am having a really hard time doing that. I have a hard time selling greeting cards to a bunch of white, Christian, upper middle class people that could care less about feminism and equal rights and not feeling crappy that I am not doing something that I am truly passionate about and that I feel like matters. Sometimes it all makes me feel like I don't know who I am anymore...
