Row row row your boat....

So where to start…. I have had several things that I wanted to blog about lately but I cannot seem to get my thoughts together in order to write something. But I figured I might as well just write something so here it is… My work needed help with a group they do for the kids and while kids are not my specialty I decided to give it a go. The group is intended for school aged kids but as I soon found out that so does not happen. During the hour you are supposed to help the kids with homework and since most are young and the homework does not take long you are also supposed to try and come up with an educational activity. Well when I got there were about 10 kids and only 2 of them were school aged. The school aged kids did not have homework and I decided to throw out the education piece because I simply had no idea what to do for kids with such a big age range. I decided to instead focus on keeping everyone safe and relatively happy. This was not an easy task for someone who has not spent much time with mass amounts of children. I know 10 does not seem like mass amounts but when they were all running around there seemed like there were 200 haha. I finally got in the grove of things, kind of, and at one point the kids were playing on instruments, singing and dancing. I forget how uninhibited children are. The kids wanted me to sing along with them and I found myself nervous. The kids don’t care how I sound so it was simply silly for me to be nervous about such a thing. I am not sure at what age we start to become self conscious and are no longer willing to belt out a tune or dance in circles. I find it sad that people seem to lose their eagerness to try things out even though they may look silly. I survived watching the kids and I even did it twice and am going to do it 2 more times next week. While I could not do this all the time I was amazed by how uninhabited and resilient these kids are especially considering everything they have gone through.

*side not for those who don’t know I work at a domestic violence shelter.

211 things A Bright Boy Can Do

So a few days ago I stopped at a bookstore on my way back from Fort Collins since I had gotten off at 5 and did not want to sit in rush hour traffic.  At this bookstore I found this gem....

When I saw the cover  I had to pick it up to see what bright boys can do.  I was not prepared for what I found.  Inside the table of contents there were your standard active things (that are hardly ever found in books for girls) like how to build a fire.  Now so far the book seams like a typical book for young boys.  Than I saw this....

 
Yes that says How to Judge a Woman's Bra Size at a Glance.  Gross!!!! Absolutely Gross.  The smaller text goes on to say that it will be difficult to do but it is a skill that once refined is important. (really?)  It also says that you will be surprised that women love to have you guess there bra size and will be more than happy to help you learn this art. *um yea I don't know any of those women*  This gem of a book also teaches you how to play Edward forty hands the drinking game.  Note I found this book in the kids section.  Gross all around

Wondering around in the dark

So today I had my first day of of training and it has left me with a whole basket of emotions (yes a basket of emotions haha).  I walked out today feeling like I am completely clueless and that I have zero skills for this job.  Now my rational part of my brain tells me that I do in fact have the skills to be great at my job and that it will just take a little bit to get used to things.  While I know this deep down I have this overwhelming since of feeling of inadequacy.  Is this something I have been socialized to think as a women?  That I do not have skills and that I am never qualified enough.  I feel like I hear a lot of the women in my life echoing my feelings of not being prepared and skilled enough for a job yet I do not hear it from men.  Granted I do not have a plethora of male friends.

I also left the first day of training missing the flat structure and feminist/social justice atmosphere of my old job.  My new job is definitely not anti-feminist I just feel like I am missing that extra social justice atmosphere.  I am also struggling with the feeling that I have a tone of responsibility yet no real authority. I have a to make some fairly big decision yet I get the feeling (from some of the higher up folks) that my input and thoughts do not matter that much.   Its a very odd dynamic especially when I have worked for the past two years at a place where I felt valued.  I am hoping that as I work there more that some of these feelings will lessen and even though some things have been rough I am extremely happy to at least have a job in my area of interest.